Ryu/Ken vs Phranchyze/Zeale32 WRC2007.5

Classics From The Vault: Round 1 of ATL vs DT from WRC07

Atlanta (Madd Illz/Parable) vs. Detroit (Quest M.C.O.D.Y./Marvwon)

Perp's Opinion:

I've watched a lot of battles. I've seen some absolutely unnecessary asswhoopins delivered to niggas. But this is one of the most brutal and borderline unwatchable massacres in recent battle rap history. It starts out with some good-natured ribbing by Parable, mocking Marvwon's patented Wu-Tang sign as the team from ATL starts off they first round. Now, I've liked Madd Illz and Parable in the past. In 06, I thought they was one of the most consistent teams all-around and while they weren't able to beat the machine that is Illmac and The Saurus, they were able to put a stop to they murder streak. And I really liked Parable, who started off the previous season a bit shaky, but eventually found his groove around battle 4. But all throughout the year, they just seemed a bit too pre-rehearsed, which isn't a bad thing necessarily. You should always have some written ammunition with you just in case things get hairy. But during the regular season, they both just seemed not to have much real passion as they did in 06. The winners from ATL, most certainly, but they lacked that fire that made them such a force.

They started off this battle with some clever, but ultimately overly technical lines which relied WAY too much on multi-syllable rhyme schemes that seemed to just drag on and on and on without any real power. Apparently, the crowd and I shared the same sentiment, as very few of they lines was winning anyone over, although the "If you joined Bone, Thugs 'N Harmony/Your name would be Thigh Bone" was dope. So ended Atlanta's first round. And then there was Detroit. Right from the start, you could tell from Marv's swagger that they were about to dismantle the boys from ATL. "Man, I been waitin' a whole year to get rid of these guys/And prove that this fag is really livin' a lie/Nigga, you don't even like Madd Illz/But you such a lame bitch/That last year you paid for the hotel and plane trip/Nigga, please explain this/I can't stand this garbage/You said he's not a rapper/He's a Subway Sandwich Artist!" Clearly, this is not what Madd Illz and Parable were planning on going up against...nor was it what we were expecting from the Detroit team who had kept us laughing all season with they inimitable style. This wasn't a team out to entertain. This was a team out to destroy. The entire first round is littered with personal shit, essentially detailing Parable's dislike and resentment of his partner which was relayed to Quest and Marv. "So be real, Parable/Tell him how much the shit really costed you/Or how you gettin' upset with him actin' like the boss of you/Or how you beat him a couple times but he front like he never lost to you/Or how in last year's battle, HE'S the reason ya'll lost a few". And the rest of the battle just gets grimier from there, with Marvwon ending the first round with a sleeper that took the crowd a few seconds to really get: "And now that we exposin' ya friend/And the shit is soakin' in/If we was really lyin', Illz....how else would we know it then?" The battle was already over by that point, but the beating continued on for two more rounds.

Round two has Illz and Parable looking and sounding shook, with they punchlines seeming more hollow by the second. In fact, the only line of any note was from Parable: "You can die in this rhyme battle/His chick is sick/She fuckin' masturbates with knife handles/And pineapples". The only reason I mention that is Quest starts of Detroit's second round with a perfectly placed rebuttle: "This some shit my mind can't channel/She said she jacked off with pineapples/And knife handles/What the fuck are we playin', Rhyme Scrabble?" Then comes the style that we've come to love from Detroit (and will no doubt get bitten this season). Quest drops a heater, dissin' on Parable's voice and hair: "This is not for real/It feel like I done popped a pill/Woke up in a Taco Bell/With a muffuckin' mop that yells" followed by an ill scheme from Marv which references wrestling, video games and Disneyworld all in one and still manages to deliver damage to Madd Illz.

Round 3 is another snoozefest from Atlanta, notable again only for a line by Madd Illz to Quest about looking like Marvin Gaye, which was brilliantly flipped by Quest off the back of Marvwon's rhyme scheme. In fact, both of them was playing off each other's rhyme schemes. Check the opener from them: "You got kicked out the Army for pushin' niggas doodie back/Man, makin' an ass of yo head cuz yo neck look like booty cracks/That's prolly where you dookie at/I had yo momma off a roofie, black/And I titty fucked that ho so long/They call her chest a boobie trap" with Marv followin' up with "Man, fuck these fruity cats/You wanna know an unknown groupie fact?/Remember Parker Louis Can't Lose?/That was Madd Illz who played Kubiak". There had to have been some serious telepathy goin' on with the next huge rhyme scheme, cuz this was so well versed, it almost sounded written. Marv starts out with his relaxed style: "Man, fuck this shit/And yo jacket tight/How can you breathe in that bitch/You gon' die tonight" with Quest pickin' it up and delivering one of the deadliest off-the-top rebuttals in history: "Come back as a 20 piece McNugget in his afterlife/He'll eat his ass up on a savage night/He'll take a savage bite/I'm Marvin Gaye/Yo momma was Gladys Knight". Murderous. Absolutely murderous. But it don't end there as Marv picked it up yet again: "Nigga, yo whole diet is nothin' but snacks and Sprite/Nigga, you bought a ten-speed, got on and cracked yo bike". Battles like this make me wonder why there ain't a ref throwin' in the towel for some of these niggas. Easily the most brutal decimation of any established MCs I've ever seen.

Final thoughts...no question. I'm not sure Atlanta could have won that battle even if they'd be totally on point. The first round was just too personal and basically stole the souls right out of the chests of Illz and Parable. Any MCs reading this, here's a tip: don't trust anyone and don't tell anyone any personal shit about you. You will get ate up by them later on.

khal's Opinion:

Parable looks like Zach de la Rocha's skinny cousin. And what's good with Madd Illz being fat and making fat jokes? I never got that shit... wow I can't get over Parable's voice either. He lucky he came with that thigh bone line at the end. You've also gotta love how Marvwon & Quest puts Parable & Madd Illz' beef out there on front street. This whole battle is done with that first round. Parable ate himself in this battle a year ago. The funny shit is, after that whole exposure in the first round, it's basically a wrap. No matter how many Subway lines or talk about "sliding inside assholes", there's nothing Madd or Parable could say to change the tide. And when Quest and Marv come with the proper wrestling lines (X-Pac/Chyna/DX), the shit makes sense and gets the pop from the crowd. And how the FUCK was anything in this battle "even", Parable? That's the one thing bothering me... cats really are on that "this shit was close", which I guess you have to keep going to save face/keep your spirits up, but really, no way was this battle even going to BE close, how they seriously think the gap didn't get enormously wide after the first round is beyond me.

Classics From The Vault: Round 1 of TO vs LA from WRC07

Toronto (Kid Twist/pooRICH) vs. Los Angeles (Illmaculate/The Saurus)

Perp's Opinion:

Easily one of the hardest battles in the whole competition, this saw some of the most heated verses from either team in the history of WRC. Let's start off with round 1. pooRICH started off with a nice diss to The Saurus over his loss in Round 2 of last year's final. Couple of decent lines and some filler before Kid Twist jumps in with his patented nerdy swag and drops this gem: "Tell your bitch I'm taking her on no dates/Unless the ho pays/You're so gay/Even your teeth go both ways" followed by a ill closer to get the playoffs started right. Then Illmac and Saurus step up to the plate on some too-easy swiddag. Saurus hit Twist with a nice punch about his nerdy persona: "I'm amazin' with rap schemes/The closest you ever came to an athlete/Was playin' for the math team". Round 2 had pooRICH droppin' an ill diss to Illmac's girl: "Cuz ya girl has stretch marks/On her sex parts/And when I titty fuck the bitch/Her chest farts" followed by a few punchlines that were little more than filler. On Illmac and Saurus's rebuttle, Illmac drops a huge punchline to start off the round, reminding everyone why they was last year's champs: "Look at your pitiful arms/He couldn't even split a Swisher cigar/He went to the gym to get hard/And couldn't lift up the bar/Tried to pick up a dumbbell, it nearly ripped him apart/So he said, 'Fuck it, I'd rather be skinny and smart!'" GREASY! Round 3 starts off with some heaters from both Twist and Rich, with the middle of the round having some nice wordplay from Twist, carrying off Rich's rhyme scheme: "And he needed friends so he called Jim Carrey to fix his cable/But someone should have told him my flying dragon kick is fatal/He's so picky about where you put your dick, it's anal". Twist ends the round with a smooth punchline: "And you're trying to blow up like you're lackin' the mass appeal/You either need to cut back on the happy meals/Or do more laps on your hamster wheel". Illmac and Saurus steps up and drop some serious burners back to back: "I know you like faggoty sex/Cuz on the flight here, he was the only cat to request/A cavity check" and "You know how I know that you're a homo?/If you won the money, you'd spend most of it on snowglobes/I know some of your friends and they told me that you're so broke/He makes money on the side posing as a goalpost", leading up to The Saurus' monster punchline that clinched victory for LA: "When we spit, it's errorless/But I don't know why the fuck any people are scared against/This piece of asparagus/And see, the crazy thing to me is that you reek of such arrogance/But secretly, you speak to a therapist/Like, 'I CAN'T BEAT THE AMERICANS!!'" Game locked on that note. Final thoughts...Toronto definitely proved they can rap with the best of 'em and gave Illmac and Thesaurus a run for they money, but in the end, they just couldn't hang with the returning champs, who dropped jaws across the board from judges, fans and competition alike.

khal's Opinion:

I love how I just realized that Mazzi was the host of this shit. Figures, I didn't know who the fuck he was from the jump, and in a year's time I've reviewed and covered his disses and what not. LA vs Toronto, eh? I'm not that versed on actual Canadian MCs, although I know they like that real shit. I gotta give it to pooRICH for bringing up wrestling references that no one gets... except for me. And Kid Twist has that nerdy voice that makes his punchlines that much funnier. That "you're so gay/your teeth go both ways" line killed it. I'm not a fan of pooRICH though, at all. The Saurus is mad amped, which always helps, and while Ill is dope, I think The Saurus was the man in that first round. He didn't have to rely on the gay shit for big laughs. Round 2 is more of the same, with Kid Twist coming dope but poo kind of, well, being weak. Sad thing is they string together nice lines but they don't deliver. The Saurus OWNS this crowd! I wonder how much of that has to do with them already have props, while the Canadian heads are kind of a non-entity before this competition. "This cocky bitch could not be rich". I love that line! What's good with pooRICH and the "a-hole" shit? Kid Twist is saving these cats, as The Saurus is. His combination of vast vocab and animation is a deadly combination. Ill came kind of lame towards the end, but overall, Ill and 'Saurus definitely took this one. Kid Twist is a contender, though - he seems to have lines for days, nahmean? Oh, and I don't think this should have gone to overtime at all. If pooRICH truly thinks another round or 2 would have gotten them over with the crowd, they're wylin'.